17 Things you must not do if you want to survive in Lagos State, Nigeria

1. On a Danfo bus, When you sit by the window. Never operate your phone, It will be snatched from your hand. This is a quintessential occurence in some surbuban parts of Lagos such as Agege and Mushin. In fact, anywhere in Lagos.

2. Whenever someone greets you on the road, Do not answer him or her especially when he approaches you from behind.

3. If you see people fighting, Mind your business!!. I repeat MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!

4. You must learn how to argue with a bus conductor, when he tries cheating you.
And please whenever you do. Please don’t use Standard English. You must have had a good knowledge of Pidgin before you come to Lagos. If not I can teach you.

5. Walk with a known Nigerian, on the first weeks of your stay in Lagos. He’ll show you the ropes or else you go suffer.

6. Whenever you’re walking in a deserted area in Lagos. Walk like a gangster, not like a responsible person. If you do, Miscreants will feel you’re defensive and wouldn’t come close to you. Street sense.

7. Anything you did not find on your head, Please don’t pick it. (You understand what I mean).

8. When you’re crossing the road. Turn into a Ronaldo. Cars come in massive droves. They won’t hit you but you must learn how to dribble them.

9. When you want to buy soft drinks, Buy soft drinks from people hawking in the traffic. It is believed that the drinks taste sweeter than the ones bought from people in shops. Just a belief!!

10. When you see a large number of people running, don’t wait or ask questions. Just run with them. RUN RUN RUN!!! Ask when it is safe!! Run o.

11. Never leave Lagos without taking a ride on Third Mainland Bridge. It is a sin.

12. Don’t dance to any music you hear, never stare or laugh at people. Don’t speak to anyone in the bus until they speak to you first.

13. Whenever you walk in a crowded area, hold your phone firmly in your hand, not in your bag or pocket or else Sope oti lo.

14. Whenever you want to ask for Directions, say this. “Sorry, Please, Excuse me…then ask your question”. It is compulsory to say all of them. Don’t omit any. Everybody is angry in Nigeria.

15. It’s often said that the number of people who are mentally normal in Lagos aren’t up to 5. In essence, If a Lagosian teases you, don’t take him serious. Just be cool to prevent issues. We’re mád in this Lagos!!. I am the only nórmal person in my area.

16. There’s one popular “Den of scámmers” in Lagos called Computer Village. It is the most popular place for buying and repairing electronic devices. But please and please open your eyes very well before you buy fufu package in a phone case of buy a swapped electronics.

17. And lastly LAGOS is a comedy centre, you will love the drama you will be seeing around.

Lagos, Its mix of tradition and modernity, combined with its rich culture and entrepreneurial spirit, makes it an exciting and attractive destination for people from all over the world. Lagos is very very fun and sweet once you understand the system.