For generations, boys have grown up with a rigid set of expectations and with phrases like “be strong, don’t cry, never show weakness, always win”. These messages, often unspoken yet deeply ingrained, shape how boys see themselves and interact with others. As society evolves and the conversation around gender broadens, it has become increasingly clear that traditional notions of masculinity are no longer sustainable. They limit emotional growth, hinder empathy, and, in extreme cases, fuel aggression or emotional isolation. Schools, as the most influential social institutions after the family, hold immense power in reshaping what it means to “be a man.” The classroom, playground, and school culture can all serve as breeding grounds for either toxic stereotypes or a more inclusive, compassionate version of masculinity.
This conversation is not about “feminising” boys or diminishing their strengths, it’s about balance. It’s about helping boys embrace their full humanity. Emotional intelligence, empathy, communication, and self-awareness are not feminine traits; they are human traits. And if boys are to grow into well-adjusted men capable of forming healthy relationships, leading with empathy, and contributing positively to society, schools must play an intentional role in redefining masculinity.
Below are key ways schools can lead this transformation, cultivating emotionally intelligent, kind, and confident boys who know that true strength is found in authenticity, not domination.
1. Rethinking school culture and language
School culture shapes how students see themselves and others. When boys hear teachers or peers praise toughness over tenderness, or when vulnerability is mocked, they quickly learn that emotions are signs of weakness. Schools must therefore consciously redefine what strength means. Teachers and administrators can promote environments where kindness, integrity, and respect are celebrated as much as academic or athletic success.
Language matters, words like “man up,” “don’t cry like a girl,” or “be a real man” should be eliminated from classrooms and playgrounds. Instead, educators should use affirming language that validates boys’ emotions and individuality. A school’s culture should normalise emotional expression for all genders. This could mean teachers modelling emotional openness, celebrating empathy as a form of leadership, and holding discussions about how stereotypes harm both boys and girls.
2. Incorporating emotional literacy into the curriculum
Emotional literacy is the foundation of healthy masculinity. When boys can identify, understand, and articulate their emotions, they are less likely to resort to aggression or withdrawal when faced with challenges. Schools should integrate social-emotional learning (SEL) into daily lessons. Through storytelling, discussions, or reflective journaling, teachers can help students explore topics like empathy, self-regulation, and conflict resolution. For instance, literature and history lessons can be used to challenge stereotypes, analysing characters or figures who show courage through compassion rather than violence. When boys read stories about men who lead with kindness or show vulnerability, they learn that emotions do not diminish strength.
3. Providing positive male role models
Representation matters. Boys need to see men who model healthy masculinity including teachers, coaches, counsellors, and even visiting mentors who embody empathy, respect, and humility. When male teachers openly express care, admit mistakes, or discuss feelings, they send a powerful message that manhood and vulnerability are not opposites.
Schools can establish mentorship programmes that pair students with responsible male figures from various professions who exemplify integrity, emotional intelligence, and respect for others. These interactions can dismantle the myth that masculinity is tied to aggression, financial status, or power. Instead, boys begin to see that being a man is about contribution, compassion, and accountability.
4. Challenging gender stereotypes in the classroom
Gender stereotypes often begin subtly, boys being encouraged towards science and sports, while girls are nudged towards arts and care-related subjects. This early socialisation limits both genders. Teachers can consciously counter these biases by encouraging boys to explore the arts, communication, or caregiving roles, and allowing girls to lead in science or athletics without bias.
Schools can design gender-neutral extracurricular activities that promote teamwork and empathy. For example, community service projects, drama clubs, or mixed-gender debates teach boys to collaborate, listen, and understand perspectives different from their own. These experiences build well-rounded individuals rather than conforming “masculine” personalities.
5. Promoting mental health awareness
A major casualty of toxic masculinity is mental health. Boys who grow up suppressing emotions often struggle with depression, anxiety, or anger issues as adults. Yet, cultural stigma around mental health, especially among men remains strong. Schools can play a critical preventive role by normalising mental health conversations early on.
Regular mental health workshops, counselling services, and open discussions about stress, failure, or identity can make a world of difference. Teachers and school counsellors should be trained to recognise signs of emotional distress in boys and provide a safe, non-judgemental space for them to talk. Normalising therapy or guidance sessions helps boys see that seeking help is not weakness but wisdom. According to UNICEF, suicide is one of the leading causes of death among adolescent boys globally, a sobering reminder that silence kills. Redefining masculinity in schools can save lives.
6. Revising disciplinary approaches
Discipline in many schools still reflects punitive, authoritarian systems that value control over understanding. When boys act out, the instinctive response is often punishment rather than empathy. However, behavioural issues are frequently rooted in emotional struggles. Schools can adopt restorative practices that focus on dialogue, accountability, and empathy-building rather than fear and punishment.
For instance, instead of automatic suspension for aggressive behaviour, restorative circles or counselling sessions can help boys unpack why they acted out, understand the impact of their actions, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. This approach doesn’t excuse misbehaviour, it transforms it into a learning moment that encourages self-awareness and growth.
7. Encouraging healthy peer relationships
Peer pressure is one of the most powerful forces shaping boys’ identities. The desire to fit in often drives them to adopt behaviours that conform to outdated masculine ideals. Schools can create peer-support groups where boys discuss issues such as self-esteem, relationships, and gender expectations in a safe environment.
Boys’ clubs or leadership programmes can also be restructured to focus on emotional strength, empathy, and teamwork rather than competition and dominance. When peer approval is tied to kindness and courage rather than aggression or bravado, boys begin to hold each other accountable for healthier behaviours.
8. Engaging parents in the conversation
The redefinition of masculinity cannot happen in isolation. Many boys return home to environments that reinforce the same harmful norms schools are trying to dismantle. Schools can bridge this gap by involving parents in workshops and seminars about gender socialisation and emotional development. By showing parents the long-term benefits, better mental health, improved relationships, and emotional resilience, they can be encouraged to model and reinforce the same values at home. Collaboration between home and school ensures that boys receive consistent messages about what healthy masculinity looks like.
