AUTHOR: RENEE EVENSON
7 lessons from “Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People” by Renee Evenson:
1. “I” Instead of “You”:
When things get tense, start sentences with “I feel…” or “I’m concerned about…” instead of “You always…” or “You never…” This shifts the focus from blaming to expressing your own feelings, making the conversation less confrontational.
2. Apologize, Even If You’re Not Wrong:
A simple “I’m sorry this happened” can defuse anger and show you’re willing to work on the problem, even if you don’t think you’re the cause. It’s about taking responsibility for resolving the conflict, not admitting fault.
3. Seek to Understand:
Instead of jumping to conclusions, try saying “Help me understand why you did/said that.” This opens a dialogue and shows you’re willing to see things from their perspective.
4. Label Your Emotions:
Saying “I’m feeling frustrated” or “I’m starting to get anxious” can help the other person understand the impact of their behavior and encourage them to adjust.
5. Focus on Solutions:
Instead of dwelling on the past, ask “What can we do to fix this?” or “How can we avoid this in the future?” This shifts the conversation to a more positive and productive direction.
6. Watch Your Body Language:
Even the most well-intentioned words can be undermined by a harsh tone or crossed arms. Be mindful of your nonverbal cues and try to convey openness and a willingness to listen.
7. Don’t Take It Personally:
Remember, sometimes people are difficult because of their own issues or stresses, not because of you. Try to maintain a sense of detachment and focus on finding a solution, rather than getting caught up in their emotions.
