Tellingly, have you ever put all your hopes and finances into a project, only for it to fall through? Have you invested your time and energy in an organisation, worked tirelessly for a promotion, only to be passed over at the last minute? To add insult to injury, perhaps you were even demoted for reasons that made no sense, despite being with the company for 20 years, with the belief that your long service would count in your favour—even if the new CEO is focused on innovation. Imagine starting a school, making sacrifices, and letting go of better opportunities because you believed in the vision, only to be unceremoniously let go because of a new innovation in which you have no experience. The most painful part is that, in today’s difficult job market, resigning isn’t an option, so you must summon all the emotional intelligence you can to confront the sadness swelling up inside you. To make matters worse, you now have to report to a new manager who is as young as your first child.
Let me present another scenario before going into my write-up. You have invested spiritually, physically, and emotionally in a relationship, hoping it would lead to marriage. What was supposed to last two years stretches into seven, only for the person concerned to give you a seemingly valid reason why the relationship must end. Not everyone can survive such heartbreak, and when it comes to matters of the heart, where it truly bleeds, it’s not easy to tell someone that time will heal all wounds—because even if time does heal, the scar remains.
These scenarios highlight the harsh realities of life. Despite the challenges, you still have to show up and perform because you have a class to teach or a team to lead. You might have spent the whole night crying, yet you still need to dress up and show up. You have to smile at the boss who betrayed you, work with the colleague who has less experience than you, or deal with a colleague who undermines you at every turn—all while producing high-quality results. These experiences form the basis of my topic: “Broken, Bruised, But Beautiful.” In this write-up, I’ll suggest ways to deal with such scenarios, or even those not mentioned, because one way or another, we are all going to face dark moments. We can either choose to climb out or wallow in the mud of heartbreak, realising too late that blaming others won’t solve the problem. Instead, confronting your challenges will make you stronger, wiser, and better equipped to handle life and its ups and downs.
Let’s dive in. First, let’s address the issue of promotions and demotions in the workplace. The hard truth is that no employer owes you an explanation for who gets promoted or demoted. You might find this harsh, but the reality is that the world has changed. Competition is fierce, and the pressure to satisfy stakeholders is immense. Yes, you are a stakeholder too, but ask yourself: Are you truly adding value to your organisation? Are you delivering tangible results that make you indispensable? An African proverb says that while gold is more expensive than water, water is more valuable because we cannot survive without it, whereas we can live without gold. In the workplace, you need to be like water—essential and irreplaceable. Even if your current employer doesn’t recognise your worth, if you are truly valuable, someone else will.
Now, let me ask you some tough questions. Bear with me if you find them harsh, but if you don’t question whether you might be the obstacle to your own success, how can you improve? The change you seek starts with you deciding to make a change. Ask yourself: Since you graduated from university or started your job, what new skills have you acquired? What do you know now that you didn’t know ten years ago? Even if you hold multiple degrees, it’s a fact that much of what was taught ten years ago is now outdated. That’s why professionals are encouraged to join relevant associations to stay up to date with developments in their fields.
Now let’s turn to personal relationships. Relationships are delicate and should not be handled lightly. You cannot force someone to love you. If you notice your partner losing interest, it’s best not to force the relationship to work. The more you try to force it, the more you are like water poured on a rock—the person may stay, but they won’t give you the undying love you seek. Meanwhile, as you wait for things to turn around, time and age are passing you by. Some relationships might be better off remaining as friendships. Forcing such relationships to evolve into something more can lead to heartbreak, turning once-best friends into enemies.
In any relationship, always ask yourself: What is the purpose of this relationship? Make sure you are on the same page as your partner and that you both agree on what the relationship is about. Don’t let age pressure you into thinking that every relationship must lead to marriage. Allow yourselves to grow together and transition naturally into a relationship that leads to marriage. And if a breakup is inevitable, strive to make it amicable. If you know the relationship isn’t going to lead to marriage, try to avoid intimacy. Once intimacy is involved, it complicates things because sex means different things to men and women, and this is something you can’t change. Try to manage your emotions so that, even if your heart breaks, you don’t experience a complete breakdown.
For those grieving the loss of a loved one, I understand that grief is not something to be taken lightly. Seek counselling if needed to help cope with the pain. If you’ve invested in a project that didn’t work out, ask yourself whether the timing was right. There are good and bad times to invest, so always seek proper financial advice beforehand. Don’t be so risk-hungry that you end up losing big.
Finally, life happens. When life deals you a tough blow, and you’ve asked all the 5Ws and H which is “what,” “why,” “who,” “where,” “when,” and “how” questions, take a deep breath. Learn the lessons, and let your experience become your best guide.
